So its been awhile

I'm sorry it has been so long since I have last written, but as most of you know I have been in the hospital for the past 8 1/2 weeks. Its not that I haven't had the time to write, it's just that I haven't really felt up to it. Well I've decided that I really needed to update everyone on what we've been experiencing, because once the twins arrive I really won't have the time!

It all started on June 1st at 8am. I went in for my routine monthly ultrasound and cervical length check. I was exactly 24 weeks pregnant. First was the ultrasound which showed two healthy and VERY active baby boys. Second was the cervical length check...and I knew immediately by the technician's face something was wrong. I was right. After several pictures and the high risk doctor's evaluation it was clear I would be admitted to the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy. I was in preterm labor with a cervical length of 0.39cm. Which basically means I was 80% effaced, the good news I was only 1cm dilated. Because I am in the medical field I knew how serious this was and all I could do was cry.

Those first few days were a whirl wind as they tried to stabilize my contractions, which I had played off as braxton hicks contractions for the past 2 months. I felt like I was living a nightmare. I had to force myself to eat, although I still lost weight. The excessive crying gave me the worst tension headache I have ever had. I missed Harrison more than I could ever ever describe in words. I felt sorry for Pierce and what I was putting him through. I felt guilty that this was happening because of something I had did.

However, I eventually began to realize that these few days had turned into a week and I was still pregnant. The doctors were optimistic I could make it to 28-30 weeks, I am now 32 weeks and 3 days!! I realized my attitude and determination was going to be the deciding factor on whether or not my babies made it. I'm not going to say this has been easy, but when it comes to the life of my children I can do anything. The hardest part of this hasn't been lying completely flat in bed for 60 plus days, the urinary tract infections, or the scares of being sent to labor and delivery because of contractions. It is not being with Harrison. Although I see him everyday, I still cry when he leaves. I miss him so so so much. Everyday I tell myself I am doing this for him so he can still lead a normal life with healthy siblings, I'm doing this for my marriage, and for everyone that loves these two little boys. While it doesn't take the pain away, it makes it a little easier to endure.

I don't know exactly why God has given me/us this challenge, but I do know that I am a fierce competitor and as many of you know I do NOT like to lose! Doctors say I am the worse case they have ever seen, who has made it the longest (does that make sense?). I take this as a compliment and want to continue to surprise them. However, I know that Pierce and I would never have come this far if it weren't for the unconditional love and support our family has given us throughout this ordeal. We are so so thankful to have been given the wonderful family we have.

This experience has taught me so many things and brought Pierce in I even closer. For that I am thankful. I've learned never to take life for granted and how precious and amazing life is. I've learned that when someone you love may be taken away from you, you are willing to do whatever feasibly possible to keep them safe and with you. I guess that is true love. I have also learned to put my trust in God. My faith has grown so much through this and I know God will give us the strength we need to get through anything that comes our way. Though it may not be easy.

Please continue to pray for all of us as we get closer to the end of this pregnancy and the start of two new precious lives!